Mackay Madness: My heavy heart

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

My heavy heart

The past couple of weeks, my heart has felt so heavy with gratitude for my babies. As I sat in my car in front of a girlfriends house last week, a tiny little boy jumped off the bus (backpack as big as his whole body), and waddled up the driveway holding his moms hand, and tears welled in my eyes.
Not for any reason, other than, I'm already getting jealous of the day that my kids don't jump off the bus and come waddling home with me!
Time is going by so fast, and I feel like I can't fit everything in. I want to be a perfect mom to my kids. I want them to have happy memories of childhood and grow up to be good people.
Everyday, I say to myself, "you need to sit down and read with Easton this morning, and play motorcycles or pirates." Then, the phone rings, or I find a mess to clean up, or I look at the heaping baskets of clothes in the laundry room, and I somehow get distracted with everything and anything that is NOT IMPORTANT AT ALL! What is that about?
I hear older people say all the time, "cherish those little ones, they grow up so fast." And until now, I kind of brushed it off. But my oldest is almost thirteen years old and I feel like she is already slipping through my fingers. She no longer wants to go with us to petting zoos or museums, she is wearing makeup and hanging out with friends all the time, she is starting to be sassy and teenagerish! I just want to grab her and kiss her little head and protect her from the world she is about to face!
I watch Chance sit at the counter and draw for hours. Each time he finishes a work of art, he can't wait to show me. I know that too will be short lived! Although, I hope he will always want my approval.
Addie sits and tells me stories until I swear my ears are going to fall off my head, but I try to listen because someday soon she won't want to tell me EVERY SINGLE THING that goes on in her day! Or maybe, if I'm doing something right, SHE WILL?!?!
I don't mean for this to be a depressing post, I just wanted to journal how I was feeling at this time. And to be honest, right now, my stomach is sick more times than not because I am coming face to face with how much I love being a mom and realizing that if I don't slow down and enjoy it, someday I will regret it with all my heart!
So today, I WILL...read with Easton, draw with Chance, listen to my Addie, and be patient with Miss Hannah. And that my friends will lighten my "heavy heart" and BRING ME GREAT JOY!

10 comments:

Bell Family said...: Sweet reminder for us all Liz. Love you so much!!!; February 2, 2010 at 3:50 PM
susan hall said...: i remember when they sent me home ethans elementary school info with his little kindergarten picture on the front of it holycow i cry'd...know he is in 7th grade kissing girls..it sucks..we all need to take this mother thing more seriously i guess...thanks for the reminder; February 2, 2010 at 5:04 PM
margo said...: Thanks Liz - that really puts it into perspective. I have been feeling the exact same way lately. Instead of telling my children to get out of my way, I am trying to spend more time with them. Every year we have a theme and my theme for this year is "Savor the Moment".; February 2, 2010 at 8:20 PM
schaars said...: Liz you are the CUTEST mom! Really your kids are so LUCKY to have a mom as STRONG and AMAZING as you. Time fly's so fast I can't believe our babies are 3 I wish I could freeze time because they are so funny at this age. It is so EASY to get caught up in all the little things and so HARD to sit and play with toys when you have a to do list a mile long. I am so worried for the day Sienna is a sassy teenager I look back at how mean I was to my mom and I cringe. And the triles that our kids will face makes me want to lock them up forever. Oh and I read your comment on Annies blog you make me laugh! If making a quilt is what it takes to be your best friend I am in!! ha ha; February 2, 2010 at 9:24 PM
DKAZ said...: It is really strange when you look down one day and you see them as little people. There limbs losing any sign of baby fat and actually feeling little muscles. Your new family picture is gorgeous and you have much to be grateful for! You're an amazing Mom, and it shows.; February 3, 2010 at 4:56 PM
melissa said...: Liz,
This post is beautiful! It made me cry. Mine are only 4 and 2 and I feel like its going to fast. In order for you to step back and notice these emotions makes you a wonderful mom! I know your mom is over the moon with how wonderful you and Brandon are as parents.

Eternal Kindness..Melissa Caywood; February 3, 2010 at 5:46 PM
Lisa Erskine said...: What a sweet post! I, too, needed that reminder!! They grow up so fast...my baby starts kindergarten next year. She still wants me to rock and sing to her before bed every night, but I'm usually singing fast and just going through the motions to get her to bed as quick as possible...but thanks to your post, I will cherish every bedtime rock/sing routein from now on!! It's easy to get caught up in the craziness of everyday life...and a good reminder to focus on what's really important in life! I'm going to kiss each one of my kids RIGHT NOW!! Thanks! :); February 3, 2010 at 7:44 PM
jenn said...: Love this post, Liz. So, so sweet and so true. It's so easy to get caught up in the hectic days and weeks and lose the precious moments of their little lives that are fleeting so quickly. As Mom's I think we all feel this way and need the reminder over and over again.

Thanks, my dear. Love you!; February 4, 2010 at 9:59 AM
Goddard Family said...: sniff...sniff...thanks for the reality check. Life is too short!; February 5, 2010 at 9:01 PM
Natali Thompson said...: SO SWEET! It does go way too fast!; February 19, 2010 at 5:47 PM

From the mouths of "our babes":

*Our doorbell rang. Chance ran to get it. No one was there. He said, "oh darn,it must have been a knocker-ditcher." (Otherwise known as a doorbell ditcher.)

*Chance climbed in the back of the car this afternoon, and said "ewww mom, the back of your car smells gross...it smells like fries and poo all mixed together."

There was a little boy acting very naughty in Chances primary class...he turned and told the boy that he was an "ANGRY ELF." The teacher told me that it made her whole day and she nearly peed her pants laughing. (We were visiting at a different ward, which makes it even funnier because he didn't even know the boy.)

*Chance's kindergarten teacher's name is Mrs. Rasband, he came home and told Brandon that her name is Mrs. Wristband! Close enough

*As we were driving through the farmlands, Addie blurts out from the backseat, "it's cool how HAY grows, it just randomly pops up in perfect little blocks!" (She was DEAD serious)

*We came home from camping and Addie turns to me and says, "Mom, it feels so good to be home and walk on the grass and have a cup of milk!"

*We ate at a "Thai" restaurant tonight. Addie was so sick of peanuts on all of the food. She finally looked at me and said, "what the heck, do they have a peanut tree in that kitchen or what?"

*Chance asked me, "Mom, why Jesus make me so fast?" (Basically asking why he is such a fast runner)

*Chance was looking through the neighbors fence at their dog and he came running back across the street and said " oh sick, that dog just bless you'd all over my face!" Apparently, that means the dog sneezed on him!

*Chance calls "Walkie Talkies"... "Hickey Tickies"

*Hannah told me that we are going to give her "arthritis" because we are making her camp in a tent this year. (We sold our big fifth wheel last year.) Poor kids!

*We went thru the drive-up at Wendy's and they were out of Frosty's. As we pulled away, Chance murmurs to himself: "damn, damn, damn!" (I will take full responsibility for that one!) Needless to say, we had a little chat!

*Chance says that "chocolate milk" is his favorite taste!

*Chance was picking the seat of his pants today, and I said "what's wrong son, do you have a snuggy?" And he said, "no mom, I don't have a snuggly, my bums are just stuck together.

*Tonight at dinner, Addie told us that her favorite solid food is BUTTER and her favorite liquid food is SPRAY BUTTER!

*Chance told me today that his brain was making him scared to go to school. (He just kept holding his head in his hands)

*We had a "chick" die this weekend. Of course the kids made us do a burial. Apparently it freaked Chance out, and he wouldn't sleep in his bed because he just knew there were dead chicks in the sheets, and his feet could feel the feathers!

Easton "Such a Big Miracle, in such a Little Boy"

For those that don't know, our little boy nearly drowned in a bathtub accident when he was just 7 months old. I had run a bath for myself and left Easton (who could barely crawl) in his room on the floor. I ran out to the kitchen to clean up a glass my daughter had broken. When I returned to the bath... Easton had pulled himself into the bathroom and was floating face down in the water. He had his feet pajama's on which helped him slip over the side. He was under for about two - four minutes and it took four minutes of CPR from his daddy before he took his first breath. He was taken by ambulance to "Primary's" where he stayed in the ICU overnight. He had a full recovery. We are so, so lucky! He is ONE YEAR OLD now and we're so happy that our heavenly father decided that we could keep him!!! He brings so much SUNSHINE into our lives. "We love you Eastie". I put this on my blog for my own journal, but also for people to always be aware of your kids around water...they are capable of sooo much more than you may think!